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Knights and Gardeners who fall in love can confuse each other as they try to demonstrate their love for each other. Knights can become frustrated when their efforts to prove their virtue and mettle to Gardeners fail to win the Gardeners’ hearts because the Gardeners expect contributions to their lives instead. And Gardeners can become frustrated when their efforts to contribute to Knights’ lives fail to win the Knights’ hearts because the Knights expect signs of virtue or mettle instead.

Put another way, Knights may say to themselves “He or she will love me because I am a good man or woman,” while Gardeners ask “Will he or she contribute to my life or support me in my life or on my quest?”